Evening Run view from the East side of Victoria Park
Sunset view from The Oval to Emma Street E2.
Hackney Central, Overground platform.
Bohemia Place, Hackney Central.
The Oval Space flat views.
Canal Reflection - Roman Road
Temple Street Storm Light. E2
Crescent Moon & The Lithuanian Church. The Oval Space.
Fire skies. The Oval. E2.
Does it get more magical than this?
After the rain. Sacred moments in Victoria Park. 💕
This is why I run. East end of Victoria Park sunset views.
There is truly a magical energy that fills the air when the sun sets in London. You might not even realise it’s about to go down then BAM, it beams beautifully behind a thick dark sky just long enough for us to see it’s glow reflect on the graffiti laden brick buildings just before it disappears again below the horizon. It’s almost as if sunsets are more beautiful when the clouds are darker, resulting in the a luscious kaleidoscope of colours and textures. Perhaps representing a metaphor for life? 🤔 Everyone knows London is not the sunniest of places but when the sun does shine there it is magical. The colours are SO RICH and VIBRANT. In part due to all that rain yes…but there is definitely something more to it. Something that can only be felt. ✨
Writing this from a very cold and wintery day in early (April) from Calgary, Canada; my home town and where I have found myself planted for the time being. It has been so interesting to take a step back from the megacity I’ve called home since 2019. April 1st of this year marks five months away from the capital, and man am I missing it dearly!! Feels like life is on hold, while I work on the behind the scenes. It’s a little lonely and not very fun, but necessary. I think about this every day, continually trying to give myself grace for really not knowing what to do when faced with the visa dilemma I spoke about in a previous post. A seemingly forced break that I am still working through a lot of frustration with it, but also doing my best to trust the process. Perhaps it’s just as simple as; I needed a breather, that’s all. The caveat was that the place that could offer me that was really far away. So it makes it feel like such an overwhelming thing when maybe it doesn’t have to be. Maybe it’s just part of living a big life. Big bold decisions that will pay off in a big way.
My hope is that by taking this time away everything is going to work out even more beautifully than had I not. Kind of have to keep that attitude otherwise it makes for some very sad days! Creating space is so talked about in our culture these days but let’s be real here, making bold moves or “pivots” (another buzzword) to create space for your own creativity to flourish is, indeed, quite scary. It’s fucking uncomfortable and it sucks. This isn’t really an Obama going to Bali to write a book situation, but I am trying hard to look at it that way. Circumstances aside, once you actually get that time and space, it’s up to you and you only to make something of it. To use it wisely, yet to not completely overwork yourself because you so badly want to succeed. To not fall into despair of it all.. For any of you who cant get too in your head and overuse your logical brain you know what I mean. Really, it just comes down to doing the work and being patient with the process. A little bit every day until it starts to take shape. Eventually, amidst all the discomfort of being in a place you don’t really want to be in or stay in, and the all too familiar sightings and crossing of paths from your past, the glimmers of light start to emerge. The Perspective… ahhhh thank goodness. The void is now a little bit more void-less.. Perspective is everything. And, might I add, one of the best things about time and well, getting older. A very good thing.
This perspective has given me so much certainty that I really needed... The certainty of knowing, or rather, remembering who you are, who you’ve come to be, and where you’re yearning for more. The perspective allows you to see what environments uplift you and the ones that don’t.. We are always changing, shifting, growing, becoming. It’s a life-long process. And I definitely believe there are some that experience it much more strongly than others. I call it being left field. Somehow, and very magically, the courageous, heart driven, soulful artistic life seekers always seem to find each other. These people become your community, your audience, your support squad, your sounding board, your “I’ve got you” and “I get you” people. London definitely excels at this. It’s vast nature of diversity and culture provide a natural platform for it to breed creativity and curiosity into any human that is ready to receive it. This is what London does to you if you are open to it hold on long enough. It cracks you open in ways you never were before. You become more YOU.
It’s been a very long winter here in Canada (something I have never ever been a fan of). Even as a native Calgarian, I am still in shock that it’s still snowing in April and that it likely will in May too.. As I wait for green grass and the first sight of a bloom, any bloom, it’s been a way to remind me how much I prefer the moody & rainy London winter weather over this ha! (Cozy pubs help with this). ;) Calgary is a great city, being top rated on all those best places to live charts. It is a friendly place for the most part and very beautiful in the summer. High incomes from oil & gas provide gorgeous neighbourhoods with stunning homes and top notch Rocky Mountain Cowboy and Ranch scenery. It really is beautiful, but it’s never been a place I felt like I was supposed to stay in. It’s comfortable here for sure, if you can handle 6-7 months of winter and bouts of -30 degree celsius! but it always felt like the world was OUT THERE, not here, and for as long as I remember I desperately wanted to be creatively apart of it.
It was the beginning of 2016 when I committed to playing music again. ❤︎ The years before that I felt like I was trying to fit in with the standard glue of society, trying all sorts of things to make it work (even a cold-pressed juice business - yup I know…) in hopes of it feel fulfilling but it never did. Once I started playing piano again that shifted. I felt so excited to just get home from work and practice. My rented Roland stage piano was giving me so much joy and life was feeling more fun. That same year I also found a new job that was basically downstairs from my apartment. It took me 4 min to get to work. I met some great people working at that job, and it worked well for that season of my life but inevitably started to feel much too insular and routine. I then started up drum lessons and became totally taken by decoding Dilla, UK broken beat, and learning about all the greats. A whole new world of music had opened up to me and I couldn’t get enough. It was so much fun, and I just wanted more. By the end of 2018 I was really starting to wonder what was going to change if I didn’t make a big bold decision on something. It was a trip to Brooklyn, NYC in October of 2018 that woke me up to the need to leave, and soon.
Being obsessed with everything drums, I was listening and trying to play a lot of Little Dragon’s tunes. (A band I actually discovered through Shazam earlier that year in London shop at BoxPark Shoreditch). On a whim I booked a solo trip to go see them in Brooklyn. I hadn’t been to the city since my first visit there many years prior when I was living and working at Disney World in Orlando, Florida. It had been so long, it was time to go again. What a good decision that was. I felt so alive and full of excitement every moment of that trip. It was truly incredible. I visited a few friends and had such a great time at the concert. On the uber ride back to my Airbnb in Williamsburg after from the show in Bushwick, the driver turned around when we were at a light and asked if he could see my palm. One margarita too many to to think it was a weird request, I flipped my hand and showed him. He looked at me and said, “You are thinking of making a big move in your life right now, and all I can tell you is that you need to follow what you are thinking about. Only by taking action on this will you be led towards your destiny, and I can tell it is a great one.” Totally stunned I asked him what made him turn around to ask, and he told me, “you don’t need to know why, just please follow your instincts. Don’t hold back on whatever it is. Trust me.” And with that we arrived at Marcy station and he wished me well. Totally stunned but in awe of the experience I got into the Airbnb safe and sound. Two months later I went to London again to spend Christmas with my sister who was living there since 2015 and who had just moved into a new flat in Bethnal Green. She was so proud of this place as it was a major upgrade from sharing a flat in Bermondsey with five people. She even managed to find another Calgarian to share it with who was in London for Barber School. Staying with my sister over these two weeks was the first time I really got a good feel for East London. And I loved it! I was mesmerised with Broadway Market and exploring each corner of Victoria Park. Columbia Road was the cutest street I had ever seen. Everything was just so fucking cool. I was obsessed. Coming back to Calgary wasn’t the same after that. The seed had been planted. And it floated there for awhile. Over the years, I had been to London a good six times already, having visited a dear friend of mine who lived there in every single place he lived in the city. Had loved it since the first visit and had considered moving there before but fear and the whole “but how” had got the better of me. I think it was late February of 2019 when my sister called me and said, “Pete is leaving the flat in July. London isn’t for him. If you’re still thinking of moving I think you should do it then. You can live with me. Make it easy on yourself.” I was immediately excited but also freaked out at how possible and soon it was. Move to London?!?! Like my god, holy shit. Could I actually do that? For some reason when you add an ocean between (and whole different culture) it makes it feel so much more of a big deal. I wrestled with the idea for a few weeks. Like why would I not go? But omg what will I do? How will I manage? But oh wow I already know I love it there! I have to do this. I want a big life. And I can’t wait any longer!
By March I gave notice on my apartment, by April I had completed the lengthy and detailed ancestry visa application and by early May was driving up to Edmonton with my Dad for the interview. Three weeks later it was done. I had a visa to work in the UK for five years starting in July 2019. HOLY SHIT WTF! The unknown was so daunting but nothing I hadn’t dealt with before, just that this WAS different. I knew I wouldn’t be coming back.
Fast forward to today, six years later and well, technically I am back. I’m just not back back. Big difference. 😅 Having the space and time to work on my own projects has been rewarding and I am receiving quality family time that I would never have got otherwise. This is important to me. Life is long, but goes so very fast. With so much more time to reflect and very little distraction, not to mention a more regulated nervous system, I can see crystal clear now; that perspective I was talking about above. Although it still irritates me to feel like maybe I had not thought this all through as much as I thought I had, or, maybe I was thinking too much and ended up with decision fatigue. In the moment I called my decision “the path of least resistance”. And that it was. But now, in a place with very little resistance I am realising how much I thrive in that environment. We all need varying levels of this stimulation. The trick is just to get the balance right! There is no room for creation when we are in survival mode, and sometimes all you need is a pivot (had to 😉) - to up-level and re-centre. Forced breaks can be good, allowing you to recalibrate to come back stronger, wiser, and more focused. Easier isn’t always better. With reflection, what I’ve noticed is that satisfaction comes from struggling “successfully”. I couldn’t agree more and was reminded of a quote I had read echoing this thought; “Easy and calm doesn’t always mean you’re going the right way.. the biggest rewards usually come from having the guts and perseverance to create your own path.” ~Yung Pueblo.
As someone who has moved to two different countries, the UK being the most significant move, I can hands down say that they are the best decisions I ever made. So not easy but I am in awe of what I have received in return: SO MUCH LIFE! And isn’t that what we are here to do? I truly believe that our own personal power amplifies every time we are faced with resistance and choose resilience. It strengthens our soul, our divinity, our frequency. This is what my life became in London. A constant upheaval of self. Letting go of those old comfy versions I identified with for so long but had to leave behind. I have so much love and gratitude to those who have been by my side the whole time, because life no matter what can be so so challenging, you need to make sure you’re in the ring with the right people. “With every act of resisting, we become more resilient and, in time, and we find ourselves connecting with others similarly engaged: struggling, learning and sharing experiences with each other as equals. So, our individual resistance-resilience becomes, naturally, organically, messily, something of a collective survival too.”
See you soon London. Can’t wait to get Back Back!!! 🥰
